Last year, Capita hosted a series of roundtable discussions with stay-at-home parents to better understand the complex lives of these families, the factors shaping their work and care decisions, and how our policies can better support them. We spoke with parents from across the country, from those living on farmland in rural Michigan to military bases in Colorado, and took a deeper look into the experiences of a few specific sub-groups, including stay-at-home fathers, parents in military families, and those caring for medically complex children. Together, these conversations underscore the importance of valuing caregiving in all its forms and the need for a family policy framework that prioritizes flexibility, choice, and long-term flourishing.

Here are six key takeaways. 

1. Child care access and affordability drive work and caregiving decisions. 

For many families, the decision to stay home is not a straightforward, values-based choice but rather a response to a lack of child care that is affordable, accessible, and aligned with their needs. Long waitlists, abrupt closures, prohibitively high costs, and a mismatch between the kind of care they want and what is actually available were significant problems. These child care constraints were not only primary factors in their decision to become stay-at-home parents, but significant barriers to working more hours or reentering the paid workforce. Some expressed that they would consider returning to work if child care were more accessible or affordable. Others described being pushed into an untenable middle ground, balancing full-time remote work while also serving as their child’s primary caregiver during the day. For these parents, paid work is often done during naptime, early mornings, or late nights as they juggle the demands of work and caregiving simultaneously.

Abruptly, our daycare announced they were closing, and they gave us a 30-day notice…Child care in Cincinnati is insane. The wait lists are years out. We did some calling around as soon as we found out they were closing, and there was just nowhere we were going to be able to get a spot for a year, if not longer. That kind of forced me into staying home.

2. Cost-of-living concerns are significant stressors for these families. 

Across all groups, parents expressed that health care costs, rising housing prices, and the inability to adequately save for retirement are constant sources of anxiety. Leaving the workforce or reducing hours often created cascading financial stress for these families. Many described a tension between the value they place on caring for their children and the financial risks associated with stepping away from paid work. 

Financially, it’s really scary to take the leap to single income, especially with inflation, living costs, and things that arise that need to be fixed around the house. It’s stressful when you’re living on one salary.

3. Stay-at-home parents experience isolation. 

Feelings of loneliness and social disconnection were pervasive among the stay-at-home parents we spoke with. For these parents, daily life unfolds mostly at home, creating few opportunities for adult interaction. This isolation often leaves parents without trusted backup care or emotional support, intensifying stress and burnout.

The hardest one for me was probably just the pure isolation in the beginning…There was probably a 2-year period where I would go weeks and months, talking to no other adult other than my wife or my parents.

4. Caregiving is undervalued. 

The stay-at-home parents we spoke with felt their caregiving labor is unrecognized, misunderstood, or diminished, despite its essential contribution to their families and to our society. This lack of recognition shapes not only how others perceive them,  but also how caregiving is treated within our economic and policy systems, leaving stay-at-home parents with less security and support.

I think it’s hard to say that you’re not working. It feels like part of your worth. People don’t always respect or value stay-at-home moms. They feel like it’s easy or that you’re not doing something helpful to society.

5. Stay-at-home parents face unique, sometimes invisible, challenges. 

While stay-at-home parents share many common experiences, some have distinct and compounding challenges that often go unrecognized. Stay-at-home parents in military families spoke to us about how frequent relocations and the absence of extended family nearby make it difficult to build and sustain community and secure care arrangements. Stay-at-home fathers expressed feeling excluded or unwelcome in parenting spaces that remain heavily gendered, and feeling societal pressure to return to paid work. For families with medically complex children, the demands are especially intense. They not only experience difficulty securing long-term, safe, and trustworthy care, but their children’s care needs often intensify as they age rather than diminish.

Most people might not understand the depth and the amount of time that it takes. That has become more true the older he gets. The difference between him and a typical nine-year-old grows, and that will only continue to grow as his peers turn 15, 18, 20 years old and they’re moving out, and he’s still at home with us. I think we’re still uncovering the realities of what that is going to look like for us.

6. Caregiving is a source of happiness and deep meaning.  

Despite the challenges that come with stay-at-home parenthood, the parents we spoke with also shared the immense joy and fulfillment they find in caregiving. Being present during their children’s early years, watching them grow, and forming strong, lasting relationships are incredibly meaningful and rewarding for these parents. They take pride in their role and their ability to support their families. Alongside the sacrifices that being a stay-at-home parent often demands, these benefits should also be recognized.

The return on investment at this point is probably what I’m really enjoying the most. The fact that my 19-year-old and my 16-year-old both want to spend time with me. My kid comes home from college, and he just wants to go hang out with me for a while.

Elise Anderson is a Manager at Capita’s Family Policy Lab.